Heartache and Goodbyes
by CGEclipsed16
Summary: Eclipse Spoiler of Chapter 26. Written in Jacob's POV. Bella and Jacob have to say goodbye, and Jacob lets her go.


_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer.  
Spoiler: Do not read this if you haven't finished Eclipse. This is Jacob's POV of the scene that happens in Chapter 26. (more brief.)_

**Jacob:**

Why did she have to show up with that look on her face? Why did she have to look so sad? So confused?

I knew why she was here. I wasn't stupid. I felt anger fill me, pulse through me like a heart beat. I wanted to get up from my bed, find the stupid bloodsucker and crush his face in. I wanted to take Bella into my arms and kiss away her frown.

I wanted to make her happy.

The remembrance of her lips against mine—the way her hands had pulled my hair; I knew she had struggled; I even struggled. I didn't know what I was doing, and I knew that if the vampire had been reading my thoughts, he would have been there in a split second and I would have had to kill him.

The idea of him dead—to leave me and Bella alone…

I was right for her.  
She knew it too. She recognized it.

I knew she had.

"Jacob." She whispered, and came to my side. I must have looked pretty pathetic. I didn't want her sympathy, but I didn't mind the company. "How are you feeling?" Her voice was so sad. I wanted to lift my hands and cup her face and kiss her so gently, so softly.  
I wanted to tell her—beg her, just like she had done to me…to stay.

To leave the bloodsuckers.

To stay with me.

Love me.

Marry me…even.

"I'm okay." I said with a grin. I had to put on my front. I couldn't let Bella know the pain that I was feeling. I felt like my soul was crumbling, my sides would break apart…and there wouldn't be anything left to me.

This is what Bella had felt because of … Edward.

This was the pain.

And Bella was my sun. When I was around her, the vivid pain was gone. Her touch startled me as she pressed her finger tips gently on a pink line on my cheek. It had been a gash, but it had already healed.

"I'm so sorry, Jake." She whispered, shaking her head. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

I laughed lightly. "I didn't get hurt, Bells. I'm perfectly okay."

"You call your right side nearly, completely broken perfectly okay?"

"It could have been worse… and it wasn't even your fault anyway, Bells. It was Leah." I sighed; Stupid girl. Taking on too much.

Bella's outburst startled me. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "I wish everyone would stop saying that, Jake. It _is_ my fault. All of this. Even your wounds." I didn't know what to say to her. Why was she taking the blame?

Did she feel bad that vampire's were following her?

I wish she had listened to me. Those bloodsuckers were just bad news. At least with me, with the pack, she would be safe… and with the vamps gone… I would be able to spend time with her.

Didn't she see that?

"This isn't your fault, Bells." I whispered, shaking my head. She looked at me and sighed heavily. She was carrying a burden.

My burden.

Her news.

I wanted to heave a sigh too-to brace myself for the on-coming pain.

But it never came.

Instead, Bella leaned her head against my left shoulder and began to cry. "Are you crying, Bella?" I was in disbelief. I thought I was the one who was going to break down… I wanted to. But… I could hardly admit that.

"Yeah." She sniffled, with a small laugh. It was kinda funny that she had traveled all the way to La Push to cry on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her up against me. Her cold body felt like a splash of water on my overly-hot body, but I didn't mind it in the least.

"Bella…" I started. I knew what I had to do. I had to let her go. I had to be the better guy.

I had to do what I felt was right. As much as I loved having her in my arms, her body against mine…

She didn't belong to me.

And I couldn't be …her Jacob.

Not with the bloodsucker in the picture.

"Bella, I'll be your friend. I'll be good." I whispered against her hair. I didn't think she understood at first. She was quiet with her sniffles, until she turned her head to look up at me. "I won't ask for anything more than a friendship, Bells."

God, what was I saying? My heart was crumbling. Broken. Could she hear it with her ear against my chest? When she didn't say anything, I felt like I had to continue. To explain, before I changed my mind.

"I understand now, Bella. What he means to you. What he is to you." I noticed that she had opened her mouth to speak, but I cut in. "I can't fight it anymore. I can't keep cutting you in half. Having to pick between him and I."

It wasn't fair to me either. To love her… the way I did.  
And to see her kiss him. To see the love in her eyes.

She leaned her lips toward my ear and after a long moment, she whispered, "You know I love you."

"Yes." I nodded. I knew that. But she loved him more. I had to break the seriousness with some humor. "I can wait for you, Bells. Just in case you decide that a warm bed would be better than a cold one." I said with a small grin.

We both knew she would stay with him.

I felt her body move away from mine, and our moment was over. She was going to go.

I felt my heart leave my body.

She was taking it with her. I saw the tears she tried to wipe away before I saw them.

"Should I come back to see you again soon… or… is this it, Jake?"

I wanted to tell her that there were no such things as goodbyes…  
Even if she did go off with … Edward… and came back to me; I was sure I would take her. Her stench of being a vampire and all.

But I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"I'll think about it, Bells." I said, pretending to wince as I moved—honestly, heaving a sigh to keep my heart from losing all shape.

I knew my words had hurt her. But things had to be this way.

Had to be.

I felt her lips brush against mine ever so lightly, mixed with tears… those salty tears that I didn't deserve.

"I love you." She whispered. I smiled. The words would be enough for me to watch her leave.

"I love you." I whispered back. "Always."

I closed my eyes, I was a coward. A stupid mongrel.

I heard her footsteps leave the room; I still felt her trembling body… even though it was out of the house now… Back into her truck.

Back to him.

Perhaps it wasn't her body I felt.

It was my own.

I pushed a pillow to my face and sobbed.  
I would never love any woman like I loved Bella Swan.


End file.
